


Hippogriff Feathers

by Eriador117



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dark, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-17
Updated: 2012-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-07 23:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/436408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eriador117/pseuds/Eriador117
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>writen for Siriuslysnogged at the hp_wintersmut fest on LJ Request: Remember when Sirius got all friggin moody when Harry was leaving to go back to Hogwarts? Sirius kind of just sulked and avoided everyone. I'd like something where Harry goes to talk to Sirius (up in the room with Buckbeak) and Sirius advances on him. Harry doesn't say no (because he feels too guilty) but he doesn't say yes either (cause he's straight and not interested). Oblivious!Sirius to Harry not wanting him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hippogriff Feathers

**Hippogriff Feathers**

"Sirius?" Harry rapped on the door of what had been Mrs. Black's bedroom. Sirius had been there all day; no one had seen him since breakfast and Mrs. Weasley had made a point of making dinner for him and then scraping it into the bin when he hadn't come down. Later that evening, Harry had sneaked back into the kitchen and made his godfather some sandwiches and a glass of pumpkin juice.

"I've brought you some cheese sandwiches and juice."

"I'm not hungry."

"Please, Sirius. You haven't eaten all day," persisted Harry. "And you barely touched your breakfast." Harry didn't like to think of his godfather going hungry like Harry had so often at the Dursleys'.

"I said I'm not hungry!"

"Well, can I keep you company then?" asked Harry, unwilling to leave the man alone to brood. He knew Sirius was upset that Harry was returning to Hogwarts but wasn't he at least a little bit happy for him that Harry wasn't in trouble with the Ministry for performing Underage Magic?

A few moments later, Sirius opened the door and ushered Harry in. "I'm sorry, Harry. I'm not angry at you. It's just..."

"Circumstances?" suggested Harry as he edged into the room. Buckbeak was asleep in one corner on a nest of straw, his feathers rippling with every breath. "You know I would have loved to have stayed here with you, Sirius, but I want to go back to Hogwarts too."

"I know, Harry. I'm sorry for being selfish."

There was a large bed in the room with a dark wooden frame, but no canopies or bedclothes. Just a mattress and two stained pillows that had seen better days. Even with the gas lamps lit, the room still had a gloomy, melancholy air and Harry wondered if spending so much time in it was affecting Sirius' mind. The whole house was horrible and Harry could understand why Sirius had been looking forward to someone else sharing his prison.

"You wanting me to stay, that isn't being selfish. It's brilliant actually. Someone wanting me." How often had Harry been the unwanted one? Thrown back in his cupboard when the Dursleys couldn't bear to look at him any longer.

"I do want you, Harry. More than you know," said Sirius in a strange voice.

"Er, right," said Harry, not sure what to reply to that. "So, sandwiches? Or juice?"

"I am a bit thirsty now you mention it," said Sirius, reaching over to get the glass from Harry's hand. His aim must have been off, for as he grabbed the glass, most of the juice fell onto Harry's jeans and made them cling to his groin and legs. "Oops. You'd better take those off; we don't want you catching a cold, do we?"

"I can just cast a drying charm... oh, I can't. The Underage thing again."

"And my wand's downstairs. Come on, Harry. We're both men together, aren't we? It's not as if I haven't seen anything like it before, is it?"

Harry was a little bit nervous about undressing down to his underwear in front of his godfather, but he had to admit that he was also a little flattered that Sirius had called him a man rather than a boy. His jeans were also feeling very uncomfortable on him. "Sure, why not?" grinned Harry as he toed off his trainers and yanked down his jeans, leaving him in his boxer shorts and t-shirt and a pair of white ankle socks. Sirius was wearing a pair of stripy pyjama bottoms and nothing else.

Sirius took the plate of sandwiches out of Harry's hand and slid down onto the floor with his back to the wall. With his empty hand, he patted the floorboard beside him in invitation.

"Maybe I should be getting back to the others. And washing my jeans," replied Harry. The room may have been dark, but judging by the state of the rest of the house, he couldn't imagine the floor was particularly clean.

"You're right, Harry. I would like the company," said Sirius and he sounded so forlorn that Harry couldn't refuse. It was only fair wasn't it? Sirius had spent twelve years in jail all alone; Harry couldn't begrudge him company when he wanted it.

"Okay," said Harry and slid down next to him, stretching his legs out in front of him. He could feel dust settling along the backs of his legs and tried not to shudder. For a few moments neither of them spoke as Sirius devoured the sandwiches, only leaving one on the plate and Harry wished he'd thought to bring more, Sirius seemed very hungry after all.

"Delicious. Thank you, Harry."

"You're welcome."

"So, do you have a girlfriend yet? Or a boyfriend?" Sirius grinned.

Harry's stomach did a back-flip as he thought of Cho. "It's complicated."

"Harry, you're fifteen! How complicated can it be?"

"Well, last year I liked this girl. I still like her and I asked her to the Yule Ball, but she was already going with Cedric. They were together until he died. I can't really ask her out now, can I?" Harry traced a random pattern in the dust with his fingertips.

"But you'd like to ask her out?"

"Yeah. I suppose so, but I don't quite know how to go about it. She'll probably be expecting me to kiss her or something. I haven't even done that. How can I compare to Cedric?" And how could Cho forgive him for being the one to escape Voldemort when Cedric died?

"You just need some practice. That's all."

"Practice? At what?"

"Kissing, of course. You could practice on me."

"But Sirius! We're both blokes!"

"What's that got to do with the price of toads? Lips are lips, aren't they?" and before Harry had even a chance to reply, Sirius had turned and was kissing Harry deeply on the mouth. Stubble scraped across Harry's cheek and as Harry tried to scramble backwards, away from the kiss, Sirius gripped Harry's neck in his hand so that he couldn't move. Sirius wasn't gentle with his mouth, nipping and biting as Harry tried his best to breathe. It wouldn't last forever; Sirius would have to stop for air soon, wouldn't he? Harry managed to get his hands in front of him and pushed at Sirius' chest until at last it was over.

"There, nothing to it, was there?"

Harry didn't reply. He couldn't. It had felt bloody awful, but he didn't want to upset Sirius so he just sort of nodded and hoped that would be the end of it. 

"God, Harry. I love you so much!" exclaimed Sirius.

"I know, Sirius. I love you too," said Harry, reaching over to pat Sirius on the shoulder.

"I knew it! I knew you felt the same way!" Sirius was on him again, pushing at Harry until Harry was lying flat on the floor and Sirius was on top, pinning Harry beneath him. There were more horrible kisses and a couple of times Harry was even sure he heard Sirius growl low in his throat. But there weren't just kisses this time; Sirius' hands were moving all over Harry's chest and neck.

_Oh, God! This wasn't happening. It was a nightmare._ Harry wanted to push his godfather off, he wanted to shout STOP! at the top of his lungs, but the words just wouldn't come out, not even when Sirius left off kissing his mouth and starting sucking and licking at his neck as if Harry was a tasty dessert. It was Sirius. His godfather who'd endured jail for not betraying his parents. How could Harry tell him no? 

Harry fisted his hands by his sides and squeezed his eyes shut. He could endure this for Sirius, couldn't he? After all that Sirius had endured. Sirius' hand moved underneath Harry's t-shirt, rubbing his stomach and chest as he continued to kiss Harry's neck. When Harry felt the hardness that he was sure must be Sirius' erection digging into his stomach he wanted to throw up. _Let him stop soon. Oh, please! Let him stop soon!_

But Sirius was showing no signs of stopping anything; in fact he didn't seem to be aware how uncomfortable Harry was. His hands moved lower, slipping beneath the waistband of Harry's boxer shorts. Harry had touched himself before; but it was something done in his own bed, in private. He didn't want anyone else to touch him _there_ and he couldn't stop a small whine of distress from escaping his throat.

"Ssh, Harry. It's all right. You're just nervous. You've never done anything like this before, have you?"

Harry shook his head, not sure whether he was answering his godfather's question or saying no to anything else.

"Don't worry, Harry. I'll take good care of you." With that, Sirius yanked Harry's underwear down and threw them in the corner, quite close to Buckbeak. Maybe if Harry screamed loud enough Buckbeak would wake up and protect him from Sirius. No, Harry couldn't do that. He didn't want Sirius to get hurt but he wanted this to stop too.

"Sirius! Please!" begged Harry. _Please, stop_ he meant, but he couldn't voice it. Any second now Sirius would realise that Harry wasn't interested, wouldn't he? Harry's cock wasn't even hard!

Instead, Sirius giggled. "So impatient, Harry? Very well." Sirius sat up and straddled Harry's knees, his arms reaching out for the remains of the sandwiches. There was only one left; Sirius opened the slices of bread and skimmed the butter off onto his fingers. When those fingers dipped between his legs and into his arse, Harry couldn't help screaming. "No! Stop! Please stop!"

Sirius clamped a hand over Harry's mouth. "Ssh. You don't want to wake my mother's portrait, do you? You have to be very quiet, Harry. I can't cast a Silencing Charm without my wand. Are you going to be quiet?"

Harry nodded, his eyes watering. "But it hurts! Don't! Please don't!" Harry whimpered softly once Sirius removed his hand.

"I know, but it won't always hurt. Just this first time. We just need to get you used to it."

Used to it? Harry didn't want to get used to it! He wanted it to stop!

Sirius kept moving his fingers in and out of Harry's bum, as Harry did his best to pretend he was somewhere else. He couldn't believe this was actually happening; that Sirius was hurting him in such a way. After a while – he wasn't sure how long – Sirius removed his fingers and Harry was being stretched by something much thicker, much longer than fingers. Oh, God it hurt! Harry cried out only to have Sirius clamp his hand over Harry's mouth again. "What did I tell you? You've got to be quiet!"

There was so much pain, not just in his arse but in his lower back and the base of his tummy as well as Harry struggled beneath the weight of his godfather. Sirius removed his hand and grabbed both of Harry's legs beneath the thighs, pushing Harry's legs up tight against his chest so that he could penetrate him deeper. Harry's struggles only seemed to excite him more; as if he thought Harry moving against him like that meant that this was exciting Harry too. It wasn't exciting, it was horrifying and Harry just wanted it over with. Bile rose in his throat, he swallowed it back down trying not to choke.

Sirius pounded him against the dusty floor again and again. Maybe if Harry hit his head he might pass out and not have to endure what was going on with the rest of his body. Would Sirius even notice if he was unconscious? The man seemed too far gone in his own pleasure with little thought to spare for Harry's state of mind.

Sirius was moaning and groaning, his neck muscles stretched tight as he thrust violently into Harry again and again.

Suddenly, Sirius stiffened, screaming, "Harry!" as he finally came, the spurts bathing Harry's insides. A few moments later, his cock slipped out of Harry, making Harry hiss in pain. Sirius glanced down at Harry's flaccid cock. "You came already, eh? Exciting, wasn't it?" Sirius winked at him, as if it had all been some fun game.

Harry tried to stand, every muscle in his body protesting. His legs felt like water. "I have to go," said Harry. "I need a shower."

He pulled on his boxer shorts and slipped his trainers back on before lifting up his jeans. There were still damp and sticky so there was no point in wearing them. It was late enough that he wouldn't be bumping into anyone in the hallway.

"Of course," smiled Sirius as he headed over to Buckbeak's nest. There were a few loose hippogriff feathers scattered in amongst the straw. Sirius fetched one and offered it to Harry. "Something to remind you of tonight, Harry."

"Tonight?" Harry echoed, his mind already on the bathroom and the hottest shower he could stand.

"The night you became a man."

Harry took the hippogriff feather and fled, almost running to the nearest bathroom. He only just made it in time; jarring his knees as he fell in front of the porcelain toilet bowl and throwing up what felt like every meal he'd ever eaten. Again and again he voided his stomach as he remembered what Sirius had done to him. Rape. At the time he hadn't let himself think it, but he knew that's what it was.

Sirius had raped him. His _godfather_ had raped him. Harry had said 'no' but Sirius had ignored him.

Harry retched again, but nothing was coming back up that time. He flushed the toilet and then rinsed his mouth out at the sink, gurgling and spitting until all he could taste was water. Sobs erupted from somewhere deep inside him as the memory assailed him again. Oh, God, why had Sirius done such a thing? Was his mind gone from so many years spent in Azkaban?

Harry loved his godfather, but he no longer trusted him. He didn't want to be alone with him ever again. There were two weeks before school started. Two weeks in which he might try it again.

Harry headed over to the shower and turned it on to the hottest setting before getting in with his clothes still on. As he watched the water swirling down the drain, he saw that some of it was pink. He was bleeding. Bleeding back _there_ where Sirius had hurt him. Harry sank to his knees in the tub and rested his arse on his heels, his tears mixing with the shower water. He stayed there all night, even when the water had long gone cold.

Hermione found him like that the next morning; shivering, almost unconscious, the hippogriff feather still clutched tightly in his hand.

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.


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